I grew up in “Pentecost” and was a “Pastor’s kid” pretty much all my life. I remember always feeling like I had to prove I wasn’t a “goody two-shoes”. I did a pretty good job of making my point. I got pregnant right out of high school and decided to get married.
For the first time in my life I didn’t have anybody telling me I had to go to church. At first it was liberating, and I felt like I was finally in control and able to make my own decisions. I had a son (Troy) then I began to have problems in my marriage. When Troy was a little over a year old, I left my husband and decided to go back to school. I tried to start my life over with Troy, but still had feelings for my husband and decided to give our marriage another try. We reconciled and shortly after that I realized I was pregnant again. After I had Nathan, the problems in our marriage got worse. I didn’t want to raise Troy & Nathan on my own, but finally decided to file for divorce.
At that point I wasn’t quite sure how I was going to survive on my own with these 2 little boys. I became very depressed. This was not the way I expected my life to turn out. I began drinking a lot and of course that only made the depression worse. One morning I dropped Troy & Nathan off at day-care and went home to take a bottle of Tylenol. I remember thinking Troy & Nathan would be better off with my parents raising them and what a failure I had turned out to be, which was right where the devil wanted me. Later I found out that my parents had prayed that, “whatever it took to bring me back to God” is what they wanted for my life. It worked!
I finally went to the hospital the next day. Since it was 24 hours after I had taken the pills it was too late to pump my stomach and because I had taken “Tylenol” it had begun to destroy my liver. I remember sitting in the hospital while the doctor was telling me that I was probably not going to make it through the night. My dad came up to my room and I don’t remember what he said, but I remember breaking down and thinking “what have I done” and how could I let myself get to this point of desperation. I asked God to forgive me and please give me another chance to live my life His way and not my own, because obviously I had made a mess of things. He helped me make it through the night and began to heal my liver. THANK YOU JESUS FOR ANOTHER CHANCE! I am now married to a wonderful, Holy Ghost filled man, Keith, who has become a father to Troy & Nathan. God also blessed me with a beautiful daughter, Mariya, who I am sure is going to give me as much trouble as I gave my parents. I guess what I have learned through it all is you have no guarantees when you do it your way, but when you give Jesus control of your life you can be sure he will give you the desires of your heart.